Been in Love One and a Half Time...

I laughed out loud at a recent quip by her "You know, I have been in love only one and a half time". "How can someone be in love one and half time?" "Easy! One where you truly loved someone and he loved you back or at-least pretended to.The other time when your former love interest ditches you and after lot of contemplation and deliberation you like someone again only not to be reciprocated back because he has no idea about how you feel. Yep the latter one would be considered as the half.

With a smile on my face I tell her."Go on, you are interesting!"
" Would you write about it?"
" I will try!"
"Okay."

I was desperately seeking for a love that would take me to the moon, or more realistically speaking walk me down the aisle. Frankly, I made way too many mistakes but now when I look back I find it kinda funny. There was one time I spent an hour crafting the best SMS for him, a heartfelt text without being overbearing, sweet but without giving the recipient a toothache, so exquisite that one would almost cry. I sent that text and gave out a huge sigh of relief. Felt like a teenage girl running along a beach.Fantasizing about our future and thinking to myself "This is it. This text message will turn him into a person I want him to be.This text will make him realize that no one can love him as much as I do."

"Did that happen?"

The phone vibrates, I take deep breathes. Read it... and damn! Hopelessness sets in. My smile fades,bubbles floating in my head burst.Future looks bleak and I hated everyone.

What I had written was something like this..

You are the most beautiful thing which has happened to me. I just can't imagine my life without you and this feeling which I can't express didn't know it existed until you came into my life. I am so lucky to have you! Thank you for being there for me.

And the reply I got..

Cool!
                                                                   

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I understand men are born sans the portion of the brain which sends awareness signals that should tell them "Dude at least reply with a sentence of 5-6 words when it comes to courting women you would eventually date." I want to hear from the boys who receive such beautiful texts and manage to screw it up completely with their one word responses. DO THEY KNOW THEY ARE DESTROYING LIVES? I want to know what their thought processes are and how it feels to sail through life and the romantic endeavors without breaking a sweat.Basically I would want to know how it feels like someone who cares less.
                                                       

With my grin intact I ask her,"This was the whole number you were talking about. What about the fraction?"

Aah! That. Well,for the record it is still in the virtual phase. "Didn't get you?" What I mean is I like him (read love him) as an idea,you know in bits and pieces. Given some of his qualities he would make a perfect partner for me. "Like what?" Can't really explain but a certain 'effortlessness' in his personality that I love.I would simply adore a person with whom I can talk at lengths. He accepts that he hasn't figured out the world yet unlike everyone and is comfortable in his own skin.

"I sense a bit of apprehension in you."
"There are some. He knows nothing about how I feel."
"Do you plan to tell him?"
"No,never!"
"But what would happen if I write about it?"
"He wouldn't read."
"Are you sure?"
"I'd be lying if I answer that in positive, I would want him to read. Hell yeah!!"


Not always that I meet such interesting people over coffee but when I do I make it a point that I remember the minute details they shared with me. There are so many takeaway points from the conversation I had with this beautiful girl, many I can't express in words.
Choose love when they say your least favorite word.Choose to love them when they need you more than usual.Accept the flaws and ugliness that comes along with something beautiful. When you fall in love with someone, be prepared for the possibility that you might hate them one day.Love is the reason why they made most of their mistakes. Love at its best can give you a drug like feeling and at its worst like a withdrawal symptom( in her words). Choose which side you'd rather be.

If you think this made an interesting read come share your story with me over a cup of coffee.

Jaane kahan mera jigar gaya jee...

He was coming from the office and he looked sharp in his suit. When he showed up at my office and told me where he was taking me for dinner,I was secretly impressed with his choice of venue for the dinner reservation. I had been thinking of trying the same restaurant for a long time but I was holding out for a special occasion. It looked particularly warm and inviting from the outside this evening.In all, it looked like an environment where love would blossom or at least a conversation about love would.

Before I could come up with my mundane questions he with a straight face,"Every person comes with the realization that we are all flawed and so are our motives".I wondered where is the conversation heading to.. he adds "I have much of an impulse control,trust me if I don’t like you, you would know.Hell!! you would be sitting in car by the time I finish eating". Inquisitive me asked "What is your motive behind this dinner??" He replies  "Write about me!!". "But I don't know you that well..","You know me enough".No the previous line was never said,In my mind I summed it up.

After dinner a nagging feeling crept in.His love story is not even a great one why should it go to my blog.I see,hear,analyze so many relationships around me everyday but here I am writing about him today,reason you would know soon. 

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to go on autopilot. You get up in the morning still 
reeling with the last night conversations, go to work, and don’t take out time to have fun. You forget why you’re together in the first place but end up talking every night because without that your day is incomplete. His relationship was no different. There had been a lot of yelling, but a lot of back rubs as well but somewhere it was not perfect. He knew it at the onset. 

You see a woodcutter trying to hack a stubborn tree desperately hoping that hours and hours of effort he puts in bringing the tree down will finally pay off.This is the essence of the Wood Cutting Strategy.The Wood Cutting Strategy is when a guy (diligent and hopeful),finds a girl (stubborn and unyielding) and starts chopping her like a tree hoping, praying, wishing that one day she will “fall” deeply in love with him and eventually say yes to his marriage proposal.Friends being the only spectators, it is one of the most painful experiences that you get to see. 
                                           

Image Courtesy Tumblr.com

There is this twisted idea the guys believe in if guys pursue someone that they like diligently enough, eventually that girl will collapse under the barrage of his “love”.I don't know how this idea came into practice but something about it tells me its surreal.Sooner or later the girl might concede but it will always be a lopsided affair.Wouldn't you want a person who likes you close to how much you like her.A guy who has been chopping away fruitlessly until now affirms his obsession,but honestly wouldn't this mean the girl will never like him as much as he does to her.Some girls might think its a good thing but in my opinion somewhere in the back of the mind it will always hit you,the regret birds will soon start chirping and thoughts like "Should have married Bhushan, he is a doctor now" (Yep! girls are that weird) will become a daily reality.

It bothers me to see a person so devoted to a singular cause and a lost one too.As well-wishers we can give amazing advises full of wisdom directly out of a book written by Confucius but are we good enough at taking one. "Dude, you really think you can have a future with her? Can you even convince yourself let alone your parents?" A friend whom you had offered few words of wisdom few months later ends up with another person who is much more broken than the previous one.Problem with being in a relationship is people just don't listen,its funny how we 'tell' someone to stop liking the other person its easy because we are not the one liking a person. 

No amount of ice-cream,chocolate or even booze will console you, end the drama and seek the attention in a constructive way.If you were your own friend,what advice would you give yourself?Think about it..

You must be wondering where did the love story of my friend go.The thing is..He is 30, effectively single.In pursuit of a girl whom he'll love as dearly as he loves his beer and on a different note he has signed up on Jeevansaathi :D


Are you really in love or are you in love with the idea of being in love?

My Muse..

‘I am writing a Tribute to Mom in association with Parentous.com'

I was four years old when I wrote a letter to my dad "Mum is strict, do something". Decades after I am writing to my dad again " Mum is good, she is doing fine".

Mum and daughters are eventually meant to be best friends that's how God made us. We daughters don't realize it until we have put some mileage on that our Mum who are our true crony.  Mother-daughter relationship is surely sentimentalized but not honored enough. 

I consider myself as the ancient mariner who has so many tales in his heart and he must unfold to all. I am always accosting people and saying "Someday you should meet my mother". When I was young I always drew my mum as a tall and strong one in my sketches but in real she was petite and snowy. Probably I saw her as strong and courageous woman and I knew there is nothing my mum cannot do except Onko(Maths).

How things have changed, my tall and strong mum has turned in to a small and fragile mum. It's the exterior I am talking, heart being still rock solid.  From being just a mother to a friend, her transition was not easy. Her 'cool'  outlook came after lot of whims she had to put up with from her children.
Secretly as kid I would smear her lipstick all over my face to look as pretty as her and now I would just shout at her "Mom- you are not wearing this".

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Life is bliss when I see child like inquisitiveness in her when I explain her what a 'boyfriend' jacket is. She would keep herself abreast of latest trend, her enthusiasm to dress up her daughters hasn't dimmed a single bit even when her pockets weren't that deep, she would buy cloth piece and stitch dresses for us.


Mother India calls Facebook and Twitter evil. Her idea of staying connected to friends is by making a phone call or by meeting them. She says "If you really feel the urge of writing on someone's wall..call them". Her conjecture comes when she sees me glued to laptop after office. To put it in her words, networking sites eats up the 'Maa-Beti' time. What really amazes her is for hours I can stare at the monitor..I tell her "Maa my innate ability to stare at monitor earns me my bread and butter". Her sigh of impatience after that is priceless. I fear she might disown me the day I tell her I am writing blogs. 

Mom's frankness leaves me with split sides from laughing.Candidly she would ask me in her thick bengali accent, Nobody said Laabh You (Love You) to you, the cheeky answer I could give her is "Na Maa, no one says Laabh or Haani (Love or Honey) to me . Her "Ki bollo??" after each swear word delivered in movies. My pact with her while watching movies is not to ask for a translation for every expletives used. She obediently follows that. 

I can go on and not finish writing about her. I mumble a 'Thanks' to God when I get to see her radiant smile each morning.  When I say  Dad is my North Star - always watching over, Mom is a pathfinder. This one is for the boldest but for the gentlest mother.

If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam ~Henry Bickersteth

Being Me :)

I am often confused for a feminist or whatever is the man-hating equivalent of misogyny is. Today I would like to tell you a story about a 26 year old girl Angel, a brilliant girl who eventually ended up living her life on her own terms and who never followed stereotype rules for life.

I grew up watching and admiring Angel, who grew up chasing crows and doing little endurance test such as putting her palm in the jaws of street dog or trying to kick start an Enfield bike by merely stomping at the red hot silencer in her chappals. As a kid she never fared well in class exams but no one could foresee that one day she would teach a never forgetting lesson to us.

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I was always thrilled to see her nonchalant behaviour in midst of excessively etiquetted people with borrowed mannerisms and wondered why is she not bothered about her surrounding or tries to clear the air about her being well for the lack of words "not refined" and why grades were not so important for her. 

Angel had her own way of educating people, one day the naive me went up to her and told her I have a crush on a guy and he drives a car. With a 'oh my dear' look she conveyed an amusing piece of advice which I could never forget till date - "A rich man will never give his jacket when you are cold, he will simply ask you to get inside his Merc because it has the best heater" . It took me years to understand what she really meant. 

One day Angel fell ill and had to go through strenuous cycle of treatment but that did not diminish her determination even by a single bit, she was just a tiny-miny force and some grit short of taking over the world at least that's what she believed in and hoped all girls would think the same.

 Angel passed away in her prime. When I look back.. She lived and how!! Her life unfailingly taught me.. be that adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet idiot, be a giver, be that non-judgmental person whom you seek, don't waste your time thinking about that man-shaped hole in your life. It's okay to be irritatingly stubborn, but do not lose your humility which is your biggest virtue and never judge someone by his or hers failures because there is so much to human potential which we fail to recognize.

She shaped my life to a huge extent. In my conversation with Angel.. yes the imaginary ones which I wish I had..  She tells me "You are a brave brave girl!". The little girl in me replies "I know, I got it from you". 

I'm usually the funny girl as opposed to the pretty one and I’m pro-woman out of self-interest. Imperfection is individuality, isn't it.

My Muse :)

‘I am writing a Tribute to Mom in association with Parentous.com'

I was four years old when I wrote a letter to my dad "Mum is strict, do something". Decades after I am writing to my dad again " Mum is good, she is doing fine".

Mum and daughters are eventually meant to be best friends that's how God made us. We daughters don't realize it until we have put some mileage on that our Mum who are our true crony.  Mother-daughter relationship is surely sentimentalized but not honored enough. 

I consider myself as the ancient mariner who has so many tales in his heart and he must unfold to all. I am always accosting people and saying "Someday you should meet my mother". When I was young I always drew my mum as a tall and strong one in my sketches but in real she was petite and snowy. Probably I saw her as strong and courageous woman and I knew there is nothing my mum cannot do except Onko(Maths).

How things have changed, my tall and strong mum has turned in to a small and fragile mum. It's the exterior I am talking, heart being still rock solid.  From being just a mother to a friend, her transition was not easy. Her 'cool'  outlook came after lot of whims she had to put up with from her children.
Secretly as kid I would smear her lipstick all over my face to look as pretty as her and now I would just shout at her "Mom- you are not wearing this".

Google Images

Life is bliss when I see child like inquisitiveness in her when I explain her what a 'boyfriend' jacket is. She would keep herself abreast of latest trend, her enthusiasm to dress up her daughters hasn't dimmed a single bit even when her pockets weren't that deep, she would buy cloth piece and stitch dresses for us.


Mother India calls Facebook and Twitter evil. Her idea of staying connected to friends is by making a phone call or by meeting them. She says "If you really feel the urge of writing on someone's wall..call them". Her conjecture comes when she sees me glued to laptop after office. To put it in her words, networking sites eats up the 'Maa-Beti' time. What really amazes her is for hours I can stare at the monitor..I tell her "Maa my innate ability to stare at monitor earns me my bread and butter". Her sigh of impatience after that is priceless. I fear she might disown me the day I tell her I am writing blogs. 

Mom's frankness leaves me with split sides from laughing.Candidly she would ask me in her thick bengali accent, Nobody said Laabh You (Love You) to you, the cheeky answer I could give her is "Na Maa, no one says Laabh or Haani (Love or Honey) to me . Her "Ki bollo??" after each swear word delivered in movies. My pact with her while watching movies is not to ask for a translation for every expletives used. She obediently follows that. 

I can go on and not finish writing about her. I mumble a 'Thanks' to God when I get to see her radiant smile each morning.  When I say  Dad is my North Star - always watching over, Mom is a pathfinder. This one is for the boldest but for the gentlest mother.

If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam ~Henry Bickersteth